Some months ago, I received an email from a friend that contained a link to a website that allows people to write reviews about goods and services they have received. My friend sent me the link because what she read was most uncharacteristic of me---and she wanted to be sure I had seen it—and of course, had the opportunity to respond. Not knowing what to expect, I logged on, and read the nastiest, wholly inaccurate, and biting account of not the clients experience with my site---but with me personally. Tears actually welled up in my eyes until I read about my reneging on promises I never made---and then I got angry.
My first inclination was to write a blistering rebuttal and vindicate myself. Fortunately, before I pressed the send button on my keyboard, I pressed the pause button in my mind and spirit. I physically stepped away from the keyboard-- I allowed my head to cool, and I asked myself “what would be gained by releasing more venom into the universe?” ---would I in fact vindicate myself, or would I fan a flame that needed to be extinguished? I chose to let the review stand, and I have never publicly commented on it---nor will I ever. I did write a full account internally for my superiors, but I chose to let the public review die on the vine. And while I have no idea what, if anything, the review has cost me relative to business, I can say that taking the high road was the better part of wisdom. My colleagues respected my response, and it afforded me the opportunity to provide thoughtful commentary and context for the conflict. I would have gladly spoken to this client one-on-one about the issues that upset her, but she opted for a public forum. And while that probably appeased her sense of what is right and helped her “get even,” it did nothing to change me, or the world we exist in---which is what conflict is---an opportunity to change and heal your small part of the world.
Life lessons learned:
I read very recently about how job offers are being withdrawn, and careers are being wounded by what people are posting online—and I’m not just talking about “Girls Gone Wild” videos, I’m talking about what we write in our blogs, say in online forums, and to each other. The internet is an amazing and powerful force---but it is also a place to be cautious, deliberate, and wise. Not everything we think or say is appropriate for online adjudication. And remember…
1. Criticism---both constructive and non-constructive, are a part of life---process it with intellect, not emotion.
2. When you are criticized, perform a self-audit and a thoughtful assessment of the circumstances---maybe this person has a valid point---find it if it exists. If you can’t find it---ask an impartial party to help you.
3. Take ownership of your role in conflict, yes, sometimes it really is YOU.
4. And this a hard one, and it may even sound trite---but before you react to a verbal attack, or a written one, press the pause button--- that means--write the email, but don’t send it, rehearse the phone call, but don’t make it, blog it but don’t post it. In the business world, wait until you have had the opportunity to plan a calm, thoughtful, concise, and professional response---use blind copying and the send to all button only if absolutely necessary.
5. Whatever you send into cyberspace belongs to the universe---be sure you don’t post things that you wouldn’t want an employer or future client to see.
And finally, when you receive painful criticism, hit the pause button, and respond with civility. No, it is not always easy---but civility ALWAYS gets a stellar review.
