When in doubt....Be Gracious

We all know that COVID-19 has proven to be a formidable adversary--causing the heartbreaking deaths of thousands, and the destruction of businesses--leaving millions unemployed.  I am one of those casualties.  After 22 years of service, I was unceremoniously released from my position. 

I’m going to step out from behind the millions for a moment, and speak very simply about - ME. Although I have so many awesome opportunities and projects in front of me, the demise of a 22-year relationship deserves some air time—certainly more than I received in the 20 minute zoom call with HR that informed me of my “elimination”.  There’s a lot I could say about the way this was handled, but that’s not important now.  There’s a lot I could say about the words “your position has been eliminated”, but that’s not important now.  There’s a lot I could say about the fact that my contribution will never be recognized or celebrated---but that’s not important now either. 

What I will say is being separated from a job, even in the best of circumstances, is to be separated from a relationship---and that can be hurtful. Much of who we are is wrapped tightly in what we do, and what we do keeps us in a comfortable place---a place we know.  Rejection, or rather, Ejection from our comfortable place launches us through all of the stages of grief; shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually acceptance.

What I will say to anyone who has lost a job, pandemic related or not, is to be kind to yourself. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling, but don’t dwell there—and above all else, be very careful of public displays of emotion.  Anger and hurt will make you say things that can damage your currency in the professional realm, so the HR zoom call is not the place to launch into a diatribe on corporate dysfunction.  Speak calmly and take notes, as the haze of emotional may cause you to forget what is being said.   Ask for the email address to communicate any questions that you might have after the call.  Mirror what you have heard, and this might seem trite, but be Gracious.  I could feel the blood rushing to my face---but I was Gracious.  There are a millions things I could have said---but I was Gracious.  I thanked them for 22 years---a notable span of time---and a space of opportunity that I will remain eternally grateful for---and I was Gracious. I wished this wonderful, but sometimes complicated organization well—and I was Gracious.

I’ve heard it said that one gets bright light from a burning bridge.  Yes, you may get light, but you also leave debris in the water and soot in the air. When you leave the room, resist the temptation to be a flamethrower on social media and any other public space.  Remember that you now have a new brand to create and nurture---one separate and independent of your old position.

You cannot build a new structure on the embers of anger.  When you leave the room, leave a sweet fragrance behind.  Let the last memory they have of you be that you were, above all else, Gracious.